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Jenny: Hi... I'm Jenny again the friend of Mae... I just want to ask some important question regarding your advice...u know what, tnx for the advice to me last time... it’s such a wonderful advice that u make me so happy... anyway here's my question.

I have a bf now... and I just want to know if u related about this.. yah I know u can related this... I don’t know what to do about my bf... I am tired of being his gf.. He’s lying w/me and all that, I just want to catch him in the act if he has a 3rd party...? That all.. Tnx

   Red: Well, my guess is that you are asking me what you should do? And based on your question last time about why “boys” aren’t serious in a relationship… leads me to believe he is “the” boy you were asking about. So with this assumption, let me ask you these questions… Do you Love him? If you have to think about it – YOU DON”T! What do you want in this relationship? If he’s cheating, then you don’t really have a relationship, do you? Do you believe he is cheating on you? And if he is, do you believe he will stop? If he is cheating, and IF you are having sex with him, then YOU are being EXPOSED to what ever he is exposed to, is that what you want? If you are having sex, what will he do if you get pregnant… do you know?

Bottom line here is this, only YOU can decide what kind of relationship you want to be involved in – if you do not like what he is doing, then find some one who will do the things YOU want. You have the power to choose your “partner” NO ONE OWNS YOU! Believe me, there are a lot of guys out there, you do not have to settle for someone that does not appreciate you. You can find one who loves YOU and is willing to be “serious” with you. The biggest question is; “What do YOU want?” You can be happy or you can be sad, it’s really all up to you and what or “who” you choose.

William: Hi, again thank you for your advice.... but here is the challenge. all her ex's were as you explained to me caring as can be "or so they seemed"... so she gets sort of scared when I’m being my self ...and I'm willing to go the distance for this relationship .. so I’m going to read your book.. to see if it helps me anymore. your words of wisdom. and I truly do think your friends are right DR. Phil has nothing on you . he tells you how to live your life and you give your words of wisdom not telling people how to live there life. by the way I’m 29 and she is 26. Here is some more info if it helps me out any. I had been her friend about 2 years and I caught her boyfriend trying to hurt her... but I flew off the handle and hurt him bad ... so I had a little bit of trouble the law.. but her family doesn't like the law problems is there anything I can do to help with the family .. I have learned over the years not to choose family over a people did that mistake once. so I’m willing to listen to everything you say to make this to work. Sincerely, William

   Red: William, her family is right to be afraid, concerned and worried about you losing control and beating her ex. After all, losing control is what has been the problems of her past boyfriends when they hurt her, and I’m assuming here that “hurt” means “hit” and not “cheat”. We are talking about physical violence. By you losing control and beating her ex, you have demonstrated that YOU are capable of the same thing. It’s one thing if you intervened and stopped him, its another if you went to far, as it appears you did. So this is going to take time as well… you are in for a long trial of endurance. Don’t waste time trying to get anyone to “like” you, we can’t make people “like” us. All you can do is be true to her and love her and be there for her… for how ever long it takes. Time will show everyone who you really are. But, if you ever slip up, if you ever lose control, it all starts all over again – AND it will take even longer the 2^nd time. If, you even get a 2^nd chance. ONLY YOU can control what YOU do and how YOU react.

You said you were friends for two years, so she does know something about you, anything you did in the past to your girlfriends is also on trail here as well. I also could not help noticing your email, I did not post it here, I’m sure it would disturb some of my readers, everything you do, reflects on you. Like I tried to explain to my son when he was going through his “sagging” phase, or I when I went through my “hippie” phase – freedom is great and why I love this country – and individuality is one of our biggest national strengths’. However, we all have to understand, there is always a cost for freedom.

The more “mainstream” we are the easier to blend in and the “more” people will accept us into their circle of friends or family. The more “unique” or “strange” we are, the “fewer” people will be there that will accept us. That is a fact of life, right or wrong. If what we do, how we dress and act, is scary to people, then that is what we should expect and “accept” from people. As long as we accept that our uniqueness will “reduce” our acceptance and we understand that we then have to work “harder” at being accepted than we can be what ever we want to be. That said, remember that the farther out we are from “the norm” the more accepting and understanding WE have to be. When I was a “hippie” I was happy because I didn’t judge or blame others for judging me and not trusting me, because I understood, it was MY choice to be “different” and that those are the consequences of that. If I was to challenge and judge them, I would be forever at war with them; this is not a happy or healthy place to be.

So, I hope things work out well for you, if it does, I will also caution you that it may then lead to a family. As part of being a family man, not only is tolerance a necessity, but providing a healthy family environment is a responsibility as well. And we all know how “mean” kids can be to other children who are different, or have parents that are different. Be prepared for a lot of “testing” and have the strength to see it through, good luck.

William: Please I need your help. I have a girlfriend who has been hurt a lot, not by me. We have been going out for 6 months and I need help. At the beginning of our relationship she said she would never love again because she can't trust anyone . Her last boyfriend got her pregnant and beat her and she lost the baby. But she has given me one chance to show her there is true love and I need help showing her, please I beg someone to help me.

   Red: William you left off your age and hers… so it makes it harder to advise. I’m going to assume you are both in your late teens or early 20’s – starting a relationship on a challenge is never a “good” start. Someone that has been hurt before will normally be more cautious the next time, and “TIME” is what we will have to understand it will take here. If you had a best friend that you trusted for years, who lied to you one day for no real reason  that really created a problem for you, it would take you by surprise! You would then wonder each time after that if when they tell you something, it too, may be a lie? We can’t help it. Now if they never told you another lie again, how long would it have to be before you could trust them again? A week… a month… a year… two years… how long before YOU know they are not going to lie to you again?

This is what you are gong to be going through if you commit to this relationship, how long will you have to be faithful, understanding and caring to her? Before she accepts, that YOU are different? A week… a month… a year… two years… how long?

So you need to ask yourself, do you love her… how much do you love her… and is the relationship worth the struggle to you? You see, only you can decide whether you want to be in a challenging relationship or a more “non” stressful one. There are lots of women out there, and there are lots of them you can build a healthy relationship with – you have to decide.

Now, if you decide you want to go forward, you need to understand that YOU are carrying the “burden” of her “past” boyfriends sins. You are him, until you “prove” different – and that my friend will take some time. You have to be “extra” vigilant and caring to get her to believe in you. You have to learn communication skills and develop very good “listening” abilities and practice A LOT of patients!

If you’re up for it, good luck, drop your questions by here often as you progress in your relationship and I’ll try and help you through it. Also read my book “Chapter SIX” first then seven – ten. It will really help you through this thing. Good-luck!

Eunice: Hi, I'm 27 years old and I never had a boy friends before, I wondering what is the feeling of love? how can i know he is interested in me and what is the reaction show that he has already fallin for me? could you please tell me the clue, I really want to know, thanks a lot.....

   Red: Hello Eunice, I'm glad you came by. You can never really know how someone feels about you when you are first starting out. Having no experience leaves you open to many feelings. As a women, you have only one thing you can do to test if the interest is true or false. No sex! If he is truly interested in a long term, true relationship... sex will not be an issue. If you are interested in dating for fun, and not long term, it is even more important.

You have to see how he treats you and your friends. How he treats other people around you and for how long. Time is the secrete to finding out what he is after, is it you? Is it your body? Is it your money or a friend? Is it a service or benefit he will get from being with you?

If he is out for just fun, or just being friends you can enjoy your time with him and have a great friendship. If he is interested in marriage, you will learn with time. The main thing is to make sure you can have fun and be happy with him. Do you like to do or see the same things, go to the same places or have any other shared interest? This is your life and only you can make it a happy or sad one.

If you chose to be happy by not being with people that make you sad or scared, then you can be happy. If however, you stay with people that hurt you, make you sad, or make you scared, then you will not be so happy. This world is so full of all kinds of people. There is a few thousand or more that are just right for you. Don't think that there is only that one special one for you. You only need to find one of the thousands that can make you happy. So look around, try a few out and chose the one that makes you the happiest.

It will take six months to one year to really get to know someone. Even longer if you aren’t seeing them regular. Finding a lifetime partner is for life, take time to find one of the best ones for you. And remember, everyone seems great when you first starting dating them, because both of you are trying it win the other one over. You won't know what the relationship will really be like until you try it for a year. Good luck, be careful, be true and have some fun!

Jenny: I’m a friend of MAE. Why are most of the guy not getting serious in a relationship?

   Red: Well Jenny, like I was telling Mae when she asked about boy’s not being satisfied with one girl. When guys are young they want to have fun, no one is looking to settle down and have a family yet. They’re out to have fun and enjoy life – that’s what youth is for! So they look for “fun” girls that will play along with them. They’re not interested in a serious relationship and all the responsibility that comes with it. That’s for later after they settle down and have blown off their steam.

That’s why it is very important that a young women like yourself, does NOT give-in and have sex. A serious “man” will stay with you without sex, but a player will soon move on to someone that is easier. I’m sure you can look around and see many “single moms” where the player has moved on leaving the Mom and her child to fend for themselves. That’s why it is so important that when you’re young, have fun dating and have a good time and get to know people, just don’t be the local playground for the players! If you can’t abstain from having sex, you must use condoms AND birth control – condoms can break! But remember, with sex comes exposure… and with exposure YOU have risk, like decease, your reputation and babies! Oh, when you think about diseases, there are many that condoms don’t protect you from, look up STD’s on the internet – also remember AIDS kills.

Mae: Why most of the guy are not contented in one girl?
   Red: When men are young “boys” this is pretty much true – it’s called playing the field. Young men are not ready to settle down, however, as they get older – usually this should change. When you find a man that is ready, this should not happen. That’s why it is very important to take your time and date a long time to discover the mans interest and intentions. If it is just dating and or sex, you’ll find out relatively soon if you are not letting him play with you, in other words NO SEX.

Now, when you do develop a good relationship, and have invested your time wisely in choosing and finding out about the man your with, if he truly loves you, he won’t be having these feelings of wanting other women. It is up to you to chose wisely and then build a strong caring relationship with each other so this won’t happen.

Mae: Is it true that love come from the 2nd time around?

   Red: No, love is love, whether the first time, or the last time. True Love is anytime. In my book I explain how and why we fall in love, and that we can do it over and over again. When we understand that, we are better prepared to understand and manage our feelings as these things happen to us. There isn’t “that one perfect match” – with millions of people out there, there are many “perfect matches” – so be picky. The more time you invest in meeting “the right types” of people, the happier you will be.